Sunday, June 2, 2013

Divided

Hi there. It’s Sunday and today it was all about resting. But I couldn’t do it. My mind just can’t turn off. So… I made a decision.

Since I can’t decide if should share my second book on my blog or not, (see here if you want to know what I’m talking about). I decided to share the prologue, which is only 500 words, and see what you have to say. It won’t take much of your time and I know you’ll find it interesting. ;)

Keep in mind that this is my first rough draft!

So, I am happy to present you the prologue of my second book, Divided. 

*Since I've made some changes, I uploaded the latest version. So, some of the comments below are from the old one. Thanks for reading.  



Prologue

First time it happened I was a kid.

I woke up in the middle of the night and everything around me was different. My bed wasn’t white and wooden, like the one my father had bought me. I was sleeping in a straw mattress, in some attic … alone.  My pink covering with the yellow flowers had now given its place to an old and grey. I was feeling cold.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten. When I opened them again I was back at home, warm and cozy in my white bed. I slept with my mother that night wishing she could make the nightmare go away.

It didn’t work.

The second time it happened I was ten. It was a hot summer day and I was staying at my grandmother’s at the lake. I remember taking a nap before lunch, but when I opened my eyes, a new scenery waited me instead of my granny’s home. As weird as it was … I didn’t fear that time.

It was noon there too, but a much different place than the one I used to live. I was in a small wooden house with wooden furniture, but no one was there. Soon enough voices drew my attention and I got on the road. It wasn’t a road actually, just an alley with dirt and dust. People though were everywhere.

They were dressed in weird clothes and they held baskets with food. Most of the women wore long dresses and the men funny hats. I was exited walking in those alleys, looking at the small counters with fruits and vegetables. Some even had bread and I realized I was in a huge market like the ones I was reading on fairytales.


I still remember the way my heart pounded in excitement. I kept walking, inspecting the place not even bothering to find a logical explanation. Most of the houses I saw were made either by wood or brick and I didn’t see any cars or buses. Instead there were horses and carriages, but no TV, no power. 


I felt the scenery fade and all of the sudden I woke up at granny’s couch, smelling the hot stew and hearing cartoons on TV. I remember telling her everything and then we laughed about my dream.


The third time it happened I realized it wasn’t a dream. 

That’s it. What do you think about it? Please tell me your thoughts.
I wish you all a great week.  
Here is Chapter 1

16 comments:

  1. I really like this, Athina! Two worlds is wonderful. You have time and technology as the easy way for the reader to determine what world they're in. I am a fan of short prologues and I would suggest elaborating on the two worlds by giving us a little geography or a description of the lake at her grandma's or even the couch she woke up on and the same for the other (past) world. Also I would stop right at
    The third time it happened I realized it wasn’t a dream. [I was] Living [in] two realities. The parts about her family, about how hard it was, all that could be told in the story.

    I was pulled in from the start with the first line. I'm not sure about sharing the chapters, but I do understand you wanting to get your story out there. I am backlogged on my books too. I guess you have to determine what you're looking to gain. If you think you can accomplish your goals by sharing a chapter at a time, then do it.
    (just in case you're not aware because I did this all the time until I was corrected, its "all of a sudden" and not "all of the sudden.")
    Whatever you choose, I look forward to more of this story!

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    1. :D I'm so happy you liked this! It's my first rough draft and it needs editing, but I wanted a feedback.

      Yes, I could add more description when editing time comes, but first I have to finish with Dazed.

      I smiled wide when I read: "I was pulled in from the start with the first line."
      (I corrected the phrase too.)

      Thanks for reading it. I really want to share my story out there.:)

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  2. Wow! I love this, Athina. The concept of living in two worlds is amazing. And this suspense is killing too, making me want to know who more about the narrator. I agree with Robyn on stopping where the narrator realizes the third time it happened that it wasn't a dream. It'd make the reader want to read more.

    Good job. I'm still trying to decide which Prolouge I liked more. Dazed or Divided. I like Dazed for it's action and (for the deaths) Weird, right? And I like Divided for the supernatural element. :)

    Whatever decision you take, I look forward to more of this story. It has some prospects.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. :D
      Divided is completely different from Dazed in many ways. I can't compare them.
      I like Dazed for the deaths too! It's not weird to me. hehe. But Divided had deaths too. What can I say...characters die all the time, right? :)
      You're both maybe right that I have to leave it at the third time.
      Thanks for stopping by and reading it.

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  3. That's a really interesting concept. Like I am already forming questions in my head like is she in an Amish country? Old timey country? Can she talk to the people there? Or is she like a ghost? Do people recognize her? Or is she new to town? I definitely would keep reading after the prologue! Nice work

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    1. Oh, I'm so glad you like this prologue!:D
      Thank you for reading.
      I have started writing the sequel too, but I have only written 10.000 words. I must find time to finish it.

      Well the MC is a seventeen years old girl and she is in big troubles. :)

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  4. This is amazing Athina. I like the idea of two worlds and I will be very interested to see how this story continues. Thanks for sharing it.

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    1. Thanks for reading this. I appreciate it. :)

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  5. Athina, I love the premise of this! It's fresh and original, and just mysterious and scary enough to make for a great story! I would definitely want to read more :)

    I agree with Robyn, though, I would be careful to not post too much online... if you want to get it published, you should probably not share more than a few chapters just to see if readers are interested in the concept.

    Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews

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    1. Hi!:)
      Thanks for reading the prologue and I'm so happy that you would read more.

      Yes, you're both right. I dismissed that idea. I have only uploaded the prologue and chapter one.

      Thanks again for reading it. Have a great week.

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    2. I'm glad you're not going to post the whole thing here, even if I'd love to read it :) I'll just be patient ;) Have a great week Athina!

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  6. I really like the concept of two realities. Very interesting and I think with a little polish it will be really really well done.

    I agree with some of the edits suggested above. A few more suggestions:
    1. Forget "due to", maybe just "from"
    2. Maybe drop "troubling and". Just weird works.

    Keep at it! Sounds great!

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    1. Thank you for reading this prologue. Yes, it needs polishing but I'm glad you find it promising.
      I'm keeping your suggestions for editing.
      Have a great week.

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    2. Sounds really great! I'd be open to peer reviewing if you'd like some fresh eyes on it - when/if you're ready, of course. :)

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    3. Thanks that would be great. When I edit we can talk again.

      I have also the first chapter of Divided if you like to read it. Here is the link

      http://between-my-lines.blogspot.gr/2013/07/divided-excerpt.html

      Thanks for stopping by!

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